If you’ve ever stared at your calendar and thought, “Cool but why am I doing any of this?” hi. Same.
Apparently a whole lot of people don’t feel a clear sense of purpose, which is both comforting and mildly annoying because it means none of us got the secret email with the life roadmap attached.
Here’s the good news: that naggy “I feel lost” feeling? It’s not proof you’re broken. It’s proof you’re paying attention. And honestly, I’ll take “awake and slightly unsettled” over “sleepwalking through my own life” any day.
Also: purpose isn’t something you find like a quarter on the sidewalk. It’s something you build. Like a room makeover. You don’t wake up with perfect built ins and dreamy lighting you make choices, you move stuff around, you regret at least one decision, and then you adjust.
Feeling Lost Isn’t a Life Sentence It’s a Starting Line
That restless itch usually shows up when your life looks fine on paper, but your insides are like, “Um hello? Is this it?”
And it’s extra sneaky because you assume everyone else has it figured out. They don’t. They’re just walking around confidently with unanswered questions and a Target run planned for 2:00.
Feeling lost can be a sign that:
- you’re ready to outgrow an old version of yourself,
- you’re tired of living on autopilot,
- or you’ve been saying yes to stuff that doesn’t actually fit.
Basically, your brain is waving a tiny flag that says, “Hey! Can we re-route?”
Purpose vs. Meaning (Yes, They’re Different)
This is where a lot of us get stuck: we mix up purpose and meaning, like confusing “I’m hungry” with “I’m bored” and then eating crackers over the sink (a personal specialty).
- Meaning is the present tense feeling that life makes sense right now.
- Purpose is the forward looking direction you’re committing to.
You can have meaning without purpose (life feels okay, but you’re restless), or purpose without meaning (you’re doing the right things, but it’s hard and not very sparkly in the moment).
If you’re trying to figure out what you’re actually chasing, ask yourself:
- If nobody clapped for this, would I still want it?
- Can I explain why it matters to me in one sentence? (Not a TED Talk. One sentence.)
- A year from now, what would be different if I really committed?
If you’ve got answers, great. If you’ve got tumbleweeds, that’s not failure that’s data. We can work with data.
Five Ways to Get Clarity (Pick One Don’t Turn This Into Homework)
You do not need to do all five, unless you love being exhausted and surrounded by half filled notebooks. (I say this with affection. I have been that person.)
Choose the one that fits your current flavor of stuck and your next focus.
1) The Values Audit (aka “What Actually Matters to Me?”)
Do this if: you’ve never sat down and named what drives you.
Grab a notes app, a napkin, whatever. List 10 moments when you felt energized, absorbed, or weirdly proud of yourself.
Examples could be:
- helping a friend through something hard,
- building something with your hands,
- leading a project,
- learning a new skill,
- having a real conversation that didn’t involve small talk weather lies.
Then ask: what value was underneath that moment?
Things like autonomy, creativity, stability, connection, learning, service, leadership, adventure.
Pick your top five values. (And be a little ruthless. If everything is a top value, nothing is.)
This gives you a “compass.” Not a full GPS but at least you’re not wandering around in the woods.
2) The “Should” List Detox
Do this if: you feel buried under obligations.
Real talk: “should” is often just peer pressure in a trench coat.
Write down five things you believe you should be doing. Then, for each one, ask:
- Whose voice is that? Parents? Social media? Past you? Your anxiety?
- Does this match my top values?
- What would happen if I didn’t do it? (Be honest. Sometimes the answer is “nothing except I’d feel guilty for 48 hours.”)
Your goal isn’t to become a person who never does hard things. It’s to stop doing hard things that don’t even belong to you.
3) The Career Sweet Spot (For When Your Job Feels Like a Costume)
Do this if: you’re considering a career change or you’re quietly fantasizing about “running away” every Monday morning.
Draw four circles and make them overlap (yes, like a middle school poster project):
- what you love
- what you’re good at
- what the world needs
- what you can be paid for
Now important get specific. “Helping people” is lovely, but it’s also a giant fluffy cloud. Try:
- “explaining complicated stuff clearly”
- “organizing chaos”
- “calming people down”
- “making systems that don’t break”
- “designing spaces/experiences that feel safe”
Look for overlaps that feel sustainable, not just romantic. (Dreams are great. Paying your rent is also great.)
4) The Regret Test (A Little Intense, Very Effective)
Do this if: you’re on autopilot and nothing is technically wrong but you feel off.
Ask yourself:
- If I had five years left, what would I regret not doing?
- If I had twenty years, what would I want my life to stand for?
- At ninety, what do I hope was true about how I spent my time?
This tends to cut through the noise fast.
Gentle note: If you’re currently dealing with acute grief or depression, skip this one for now. Some questions are better handled with support, not alone at 11:47 p.m. with your thoughts and a half charged phone.
5) The Pattern Spotter (For Overthinkers Who Need Evidence)
Do this if: you prefer doing over analyzing (or you’ve analyzed yourself into a paper cutout).
For seven days, jot down moments when you felt:
- absorbed
- useful
- calm
- quietly satisfied
Note:
- what you were doing
- who you were with (if anyone)
- what skill you were using
If a type of activity shows up three times, pay attention. That’s not random that’s a breadcrumb trail.
I love this one because it’s basically “watch yourself like a scientist,” except the experiment is your actual life and the lab is your Tuesday afternoon.
Okay, Now What? Turn Insight Into Daily Action
This is where most people stall not because they’re lazy, but because it’s easier to think about purpose than to live it.
Purpose is like keeping your future home tidy-ish: you don’t do one massive Saturday and then magically never have dishes again. (If you do, please teach me your ways.) It’s built in the small, repeatable choices.
Write a One Sentence Purpose Statement (Sticky Note Energy)
Don’t make it poetic. Make it usable.
Try this format:
I help [who] do [what] so that [result/impact].
Examples:
- “I help new professionals trust their judgment so they spend less time stuck in self-doubt.”
- “I create spaces where people feel heard because I know what isolation does to a person.”
Your first draft might be clunky. That’s fine. Mine always are. You’re not carving this into stone you’re making a starting point.
Pick One Micro Habit (Tiny, on Purpose)
You do not need a 47 step “new me” routine. You need one small thing you’ll actually do.
Pick one:
- Morning intention (3 minutes): Before you check email, write one action you’ll take today that aligns with your values.
Example: “I’ll have one unrushed conversation with my partner.” - Evening review (5 minutes): Ask: “What did I do today that matched my values?” If the answer is “uhhhh,” choose one small win for tomorrow.
- Decision check (for anything costing >$50 or >10 minutes of spiraling):
“Does this serve one of my top five values?”
If no, it’s a no. (Your calendar will feel spiritually cleansed.)
Consistency beats intensity. I would rather you do a 3 minute check in every day than attempt a dramatic reinvention and burn out by next Thursday.
The “But What If” Section (Because Your Brain Will Try It)
“I still feel purposeless.”
Sometimes you’ve found your values, but you haven’t found the activities that express them. Go back to the Pattern Spotter and look for real world evidence of what lights you up.
Also: check your basics. Sleep, movement, and connection matter. You’re not failing at purpose you might just be tired and under socialized.
“My purpose feels selfish.”
Wanting to create something meaningful for yourself isn’t selfish. A lot of the time, what brings you alive makes you better for the people around you.
If it lights you up and doesn’t harm anyone, it’s allowed. You don’t have to earn your life.
“I started and quit after two weeks.”
Classic. Welcome to being human.
You probably made the habit too big. Shrink it until it’s almost laughable. One minute of journaling. One sentence. One tiny action attached to something you already do (coffee, brushing teeth, sitting in your car before you go inside).
You’re building a lifestyle, not finishing a school project.
When to get support (the serious, important bit)
If reflection brings up unmanageable grief, hopelessness, or “nothing matters” feelings, please talk to a mental health professional. There’s a big difference between normal existential questioning and depression and you don’t have to carry the heavy stuff alone.
Support is a strategy, not a weakness.
Your First Step This Week (No Grand Reinvention Required)
Purpose changes as you grow. What mattered at 22 might not matter at 42, and that doesn’t mean you’re flaky it means you’re alive and paying attention.
So here’s your assignment (the only one I’ll ever give you, promise): pick one method from above and do it for one week. Just one.
No dramatic announcements. No “new era” Instagram post. Just one small, deliberate choice a day.
Go do one thing your future self will want to high five you for.
